Why talking about early pregnancy loss is important?

Early pregnancy loss is common, yet rarely talked about in our culture.

Part of my work is to help women to recover from their birthing experience and integrate the soul part of their journey. This is very important work that can be addressed months, years, even decades after the loss.

I consider the term early pregnancy loss to include both miscarriages and abortions.

Pregnancy loss can happen very quickly, and it can take a while to make sense of the change and what is happening.

Losing a baby can be traumatic at any stage of pregnancy. Your unique circumstances will influence what this baby and this loss mean for you.

Often women who have experienced an early pregnancy loss can feel guilt, shame, deep sadness, anger, anxiety, isolation and loneliness. It is also a time when women might question their life, their worthiness and their relationship with the father.

For instance, when experiencing a miscarriage many women experience a tendency to play back the situation inside their head to try to find out if something they did caused the miscarriage. They will often carry a guilt, feeling they have done something wrong. This is very unlikely and there is usually nothing that could have been done to prevent the miscarriage as the cause may never be known. It is part of a birth mystery.

Recovery is not linear. It is cyclical. You are going through a process of new adjustment to life, day after day, cycles after cycles.

After a pregnancy loss, you might wonder why life is not back to normal and why it is taking you a long time to come to terms with the loss. It can be experienced as a difficult and distressing time, with many tension and arguments.

It is essential to be gentle with yourself, practice self-care and be patient.

Most women are culturally imprinted to keep their early pregnancies and struggles a secret.

It is common for women to pretend things are okay, while underneath there is a depth of feelings. Women need to find the right support to tend to their feelings and simply to be heard.

What is important is that each mother can find inner peace in her own way.
For example by allowing feelings to be expressed and heard, by valuing the story of her baby, by writing a letter to her baby, by clarifying what she has learnt from her rite of passage, by enacting a healing ceremony etc.

Every pregnancy will result in a birth. Every birth is a rite of passage into motherhood. Every birth will change you forever. Every birth is sacred. There is Spirit in every birth.

My story:

I have two boys. They are now 7 and 11 years old. I also went through two early pregnancy losses in between the birth of my boys.

My first miscarriage was almost unspoken of. I was at home. The process was really quick, with straightforward blood loss and very efficient contractions. I didn’t want to talk about it. I wanted to be left alone. I felt guilt that I had done something wrong. I wanted to hide myself, pretending it never happened. Inside me, it was like a storm.

Not long after, I was pregnant again. At 10 weeks pregnant, I went through it all over again. For many days I was with the not knowing. Indeed I wasn’t sure if I was having a miscarriage as the process this time was very different. I had very little blood loss, and only occasional small contractions. Very different from my first experience. Eventually I had to face the reality. It was very painful emotionally to accept. I had to be with and face again the grieving process. I really struggled physically as I was feeling extremely weak. I had to reach out for support. I had to talk about what was happening in order to receive help. It was new for me to do that. And this was a huge learning step for me.
With that step, I received so many blessings. By welcoming support, I was able to connect with my baby. I saw her. I received a name and important messages from her. This enabled me to have a better sense of clarity and to say goodbye and let go. This experience totally shifted my experience of a miscarriage because I didn’t feel guilty or the victim of a loss but felt gifted with a story and a strong sense of connection with my baby. She existed. Her birth was really beautiful, at home and for the first and only time in my life I truly felt I was being a goddess. When she was born, I proudly brought her to my hands and heart. I am grateful for that honoring and healing experience made possible by the amazing support I gathered around me.
This experience had a profound effect on me. This birthing rite of passage strongly informed my next pregnancy and birthing journey.

Perhaps this story has touched you; perhaps someone you know could benefit from hearing this story.
Please feel free to share so as all women can know ALL birthing experiences are important and are an integral part of the soul journey.

I am available to facilitate one-on-one sessions and ceremonies to recover from birth, to bring back peace and Spirit in all birth.

The image below is called “Celia and the message of peace”